


i'll hold on to this feeling

by rebelprincelynx



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Love at First Sight, M/M, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Shorter Wong Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, eiji is so gay, feelings are hard bro, i love nadia she needs more recognition, sharing tea is comfort, shorter wong has mommy and daddy issues, slight domestic asheiji fluff, sort of idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28975095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelprincelynx/pseuds/rebelprincelynx
Summary: shorter is alone in his busy thoughts, and calls up the one person who he knows he can trust to be alone with.at least he thinks so.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	1. something i can't take back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mooncandies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooncandies/gifts).



Shorter was exhausted out of his mind from working overtime this week. Nadia wouldn’t admit it, but he knew that they were struggling financially. Still. Things weren’t particularly easy with the gang, either. They never were. The constant guilt on his shoulders for disappointing Nadia dragged him down beneath the earth. Ache and fear swirling in his stomach was not a pleasant feeling. He and Nadia had gotten in an awful argument a few days ago, so he was going the extra mile to make it up. 

Shorter hates to think about it, but he constantly believes that he is a burden upon his older sister-- always looking out for him, worrying when he doesn’t come home most nights. How could he be so selfish? Not to mention his pitiful, heart-wrenching crush on his best friend. He knew he couldn’t be with Ash. It was an unspoken rule. He couldn’t fuck up the one good, the only friendship, he had. But oh, how Shorter gets lost in those piercing jade eyes, overwhelmed with rather sinful thoughts when Ash runs his delicate, but calloused fingers through his silky hair. He wonders what it would feel like to- No. Not now. He can’t think of this tonight. He’s got work to do. 

It was Friday, which meant 10’clock closing time, but it’s not like they ever had many customers past 8. Nadia was in the kitchen finishing the dishes while Shorter swept the dining area. All Shorter wanted now was a good high. Nadia usually enjoyed smoking with him after their shifts, but she wasn’t up for it tonight. She was probably spending her night at another woman’s apartment again. Yeah. She dumped Charlie. 

\-----------------

It was 11 pm, and Shorter was completely alone. He hated being by himself because it only fueled the thought in his mind that eventually he would lose everybody he cares about. Totally irrational, right? 

So naturally, he called Ash. Good or bad idea, he would find out soon enough, but he just needed company. 

“Y’busy? I already got some rolled.”

“Shit. Really? Be over in a few.” 

Soon enough, Ash pulled up in front of Chang Dai’s on his motorbike. He pulled off his helmet and shook his hair back. Shorter had to swallow a sigh at the sight. That sensation was pushed deep down.

\-----------------

The boys sat on the front steps under the dim glow and faint buzz of the restaurant’s lights. There wasn’t much to talk about, but it didn’t matter to either of them. Just sitting in each other’s presence was comforting enough.

“Dude. Take off those stupid shades. It’s like, midnight.” 

“Oh, these stupid shades? The stupid shades that you stole for me because I wanted them so badly?” They glanced at each other with a slight grin recalling the memory from Shorter’s birthday a few years back. He took them off. 

“Shorter. D’you ever think of what it might be like if I hadn’t met you in juvie? I mean, even the gang would be off balance if you weren’t there. You and your stupid purple hair keep things in place.” 

Shorter took a moment to think, rubbing his neck. “Maybe the stars aligned just right. S’pose it was fate that brought us together.” He looked up at the sky, even though he could barely see the stars due to the pollution. Thanks, New York. He blew a smoke ring in replacement. 

\-----------------

A few silent minutes passed as they listened to the city noises and blaring police cars in the distance. Shorter was sitting in discomfort, the familiar feeling returned to his stomach. A chill sent down his spine. Something had taken over him-- his feelings, most likely. He didn’t want to pretend like he saw Ash as just a friend anymore. 

_You’ve gotta be kidding me._

It happened fast; He turned to his right where Ash was sitting and blowing smoke. Shorter brushed his soft blond hair behind his ear and soft green eyes met his. 

“Shorter-“ 

Their lips collided and a warm pleasure replaced the bitter feeling in Shorter’s stomach. Ash's lips were so soft, more than he had expected. Shorter grasped at the hair on Ash’s neck and he let out a sigh. 

_What a lovely sound._

That breathy noise Ash released is what snapped Shorter to his senses, realizing what he’d just done. Blushing, he immediately pulled back, alarming the other boy. 

“I- I’m sorry. Shit. Ash I'm sorry. I don’t kn-“

“Hey, uh. it- it’s alright. Um, I should go. I’ve got that stupid interview with the magazine reporters or whatever tomorrow, anyways. I’ll see ya, Sho.” Hurriedly, the smaller boy shoved on his helmet and swung his leg over his bike. 

_Sho._

The nickname Ash had given him years ago rung over and over in his conscience. He had been called it a million times before, but this time-- This time it was different. Though, as quickly as the kiss had happened, Ash was gone, disappearing into the dark alley, leaving Shorter feeling utterly disgusted and completely abandoned, once again. 

\-----------------

Shorter knew he had most likely fucked everything up, but what was new? This was just another drop in the bucket. Disappointed Nadia, and kissing your best friend. Kissing your _boy_ best friend would have been unforgivable in his parents eyes. Though they were gone, Shorter still tries to live up to their best expectations, but he knew he was failing miserably. He tried to swallow a sob and choke back his tears, though It wasn’t long until he finally broke. Crying into the dark night on the front steps, his head buried deep in his hands. He cried for Nadia and their parents, and he cried for his Ash.

_God._

How he

_wept_

for Ash.

\-----------------


	2. i could cry just thinkin' about you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fate unexpectedly brings another boy into ash's brittle life...
> 
> and shorter reacts out of emotion.

Ash hadn’t been doing anything when he got a call from Shorter. It was rare-- a gang leader like himself having a night free from the chaos and danger. He made sure to savor moments like this. Ash glanced over at Skipper sleeping on an air mattress next to his bed and his heart twisted with guilt. The kid had grown up too fast, becoming involved in gangs and violence at such a young age. Ash saw a lot of himself in Skip, and felt compelled to protect him. Police sirens blared in the distance, but it was practically a lullaby for the young boy. 

What a world. 

The sudden call from Shorter startled Ash, but calling out of the blue wasn’t unusual. They had made it a habit to call some nights when they weren’t together-- it was Shorter’s idea. Ash supposed it was some way to make their lives feel somewhat normal, just like they were _normal_ teenagers living a _normal_ life in New York. They had even made up some stupid handshake, again, Sho’s idea, but it was their form of greeting. It was nice to pretend. 

He picked up the phone vibrating on his pillow, which was incredibly shitty. The screen was shattered from too many fights that ended up with him being shoved on the ground, but Ash didn’t care enough to get a replacement. All he needed it for was communication… and maybe a game or two for Skipper. On his way out, Ash smiled at the _Into the Spider-verse_ movie poster that Skip had hung up when it released. He really was just a kid. 

\-----------------

The two had been sitting on the porch steps for nearly an hour when he noticed that Shorter seemed really uncomfortable without his sunglasses. He vaguely remembered Shorter mentioning it to him-- that he felt weird without them. Shorter had actually begun to be a lot more open with his insecurities with Ash. He was the only one he could trust to go to. It was sort of funny to Ash that such a big guy with a purple mohawk and a dozen piercings could be anxious about silly things like that. But he understood. Ash had many insecurities of his own. 

He was playing with a snag piece of wood on the worn down step blowing smoke into the air when he heard Shorter rustle closer next to him. Eyes widened as jade met brown, but Shorter immediately squeezed them closed. Why was he…? A kiss? Ash slowly closed his eyes, and went along with it, being what he was used to. Shorter's hand reached for his and sent shivers down his spine as his friend interlocked their fingers. Ash furled his eyebrows as he felt a large hand lightly grasp his hair. Was it supposed to feel this nice? This gentle? 

He sighed. 

\-----------------

Speeding through the alley, Ash’s mind was racing with thoughts. He couldn’t tell if he was angry? Satisfied? Confused? Yeah, definitely confused. He was absolutely sure that Shorter was aware of this tension between them for the past years that they’d known each other. But they had a mental and mutual agreement that they couldn’t be… _this._ Whatever this was. 

But had they not? Was he reading too far into it? 

_It’s just the high. This will all be fine in the morning._

\-----------------

With a raging headache and watery eyes, Ash crashed straight into his bed, not even bothering to remove his shoes. The scene kept replaying in his head. The soft touches, the even softer lips, Shorter’s leather jacket scent mixing with the smoke. It was too much to take in. He knew his friend would never take advantage of him like the dozens of other men in his life. He had already ruled out that possibility. Because it wasn’t like … that. It was loving, delicate, and could be taken away at any moment. 

But it was Shorter. _Sho._ His best friend. He couldn’t be with him. Ash wasn’t even sure if his feelings for him were romantic or solely platonic. How could a moment so sweet feel like a kick to the gut? This was a hundred times more painful than the countless fights he had gotten in. 

The phone brightness hurt his eyes, but he managed to read the clock. 1:07 am. An alarm was set to go off in 4 hours and Ash promptly fell asleep, still lost in his thoughts. 

\----------------- 

Already sitting at the counter was Cain and Alex when Ash walked into the bar. He didn’t want to do this stupid interview. Apparently the reporters were from Japan, or something. Why would they bother to come all the way to grimey old New York just to learn about his broken life in the gang? Can’t they mind their own fucking business? 

Just a few minutes later Skip entered the bustling place with two very nervous looking men. One looking much younger than the other-- he couldn’t be much older than sixteen. Or so Ash thought. 

Ash’s eyes fluttered over to the foreigners and the younger boy immediately caught his eye. 

_Did his heart just skip a beat?_ No. It couldn’t have. 

He turned back around to his drink, downed it in a single swig, and turned back around only to meet enormous brown eyes staring right at him. 

“Is that a real gun?” 

_Great,_ he thought. His gun was tucked into the back of his torn jeans. _The hell did he mean? Of course it’s real. I’m a gang leader, remember?_

“Yeah?” He pulls it out and flips it around in his hands. 

“Oh, wow! Real guns are illegal in Japan.” Eiji paused a moment, and grinned like a little kid. “Can I hold it?”

Nearly every head in the small bar turned towards the outsider with the same expression. Every person with a brain in Manhattan knows you can’t just _ask_ to hold the Lynx’s gun. 

He just smirked, and stared straight into the other boy’s eyes. “Sure thing.”

\----------------

The two men and Ash found a chair around a table while Skip handled the drinks. Ash stared in confusion when Eiji suddenly spat out the rum coke in distaste. _What a baby,_ he thought, but he smiled. He soon learned that the boy was nineteen, named Eiji, and after a few embarrassing attempts of trying to pronounce it, he gave up. 

“Ay-jee, eh-jee, same thing!” 

Eiji’s laughter filled Ash’s voided heart with some sort of unfamiliar warmth that he had never felt before. He didn’t _want_ to avoid this strange feeling, but he had to. As much as he wanted to dive down deep into Eiji’s presence and surround himself in his bubbly aura, he had just met this guy. What an unfamiliar feeling, yet it seemed to fill up all of his senses. And he had no clue what this meant. 

_What the hell am I thinking?_

Shunichi took a swig of his drink. “Ei-chan, we should start the interview. Ah, Ash-u, may Eiji take some photos of you beforehand?” 

That bubbly feeling had suddenly disappeared from Ash’s inside and that slight smile fell from his face.

“Not the face.” 

As Eiji pulled out his camera, Ash looked away, but he couldn’t help but notice those half-lidded, glazed eyes staring straight through him. His stomach did a lurch. 

_Just what was he trying to figure out?_

\----------------

The apartment that Eiji and Shunichi were given to stay in was incredibly shitty. Seriously, it only had one bed. You would think that Ibe’s company would care to pay extra for a nicer place. Though Ash immediately offered that Eiji come sleep on his extra air mattress since Skip would be crashing with Bones and Kong for the next week or so. 

What was this? First getting butterflies after meeting this guy, now he’s offering that he practically _sleep_ with him? 

Shunichi agreed to the idea, saying it would be nice for the two of them to spend some time getting to know each other. 

Over the next week, Ash had been completely ignoring the whole situation with Shorter-- they had barely talked since then. He had started to call at least five different times, but ended up backing out. Instead, he spent most of his time with Eiji, insisting that Ash show him all around town. He was fretting that Eiji would ask to be brought into the deeper parts of Chinatown, where Shorter was, but mainly because it was infested with rival gangs. Of course, Eiji’s curiosity got the best of him. 

The two wandered down the alleys of lower Manhattan, getting closer and closer to Chang Dai. He swears if Eiji says anything about getting lunch-

“Are you hungry, Ash? We have been walking for a while; We can take a break if you need to.”

Great. Fantastic. If he walks into Shorter’s restaurant with some guy, how will that look after not talking for the past five days? God, he was such a horrible friend. Reluctantly, he figured it was now, or never. 

“Yeah, sure. I know a restaurant just around the corner. My, uh, best friend owns it. Shorter.” 

“Really! I am excited to meet them.” 

_I don’t think Shorter will be able to say the same, Eiji,_ Ash thinks to himself, then whips out his phone.  
\-----  
[01:47] **me:**  
hey, sho. i’m coming by, like, now. 

Ash wasn’t mad, and he promised himself he wouldn’t be when they just talked this out. Just confused. And afraid. And-

[01:50] **shorter:**  
hi? yeah, alright! i’ll see ya.  
\-----  
Nervously, Ash shoved his phone into his back pocket and led the way as his heart practically pounded out of his chest. He wondered if Eiji could see him shaking. 

\-----------------

As the boys stepped into the cozy restaurant, the bells on the door gave a welcoming jingle, and the aroma of home-like smelling food reminded them how hungry they really were. Nadia and Ash exchanged their ‘hellos’ and were ushered into a small booth near the back. 

“Drinks for you two? Coke Zero, Ash?” He nodded, not surprised that she practically has his order memorized by now from the thousands of times he had eaten here with Shorter. 

“I will have an iced tea-- with lemon?”

They were handed menus and Nadia rushed off for their refreshments. Ash had his eyes peeled for the guy with the purple mop of hair on his head. Surely Shorter wouldn’t bring up last week’s incident in the middle of his work day, but hell, why was he so nervous?

“Are you alright, Ash? You look like you are going to be sick-- in the kindest way possible. Is something wrong?” He reached across the table to rest a hand on Ash’s, and met his eyes as if he was asking permission. Green eyes locked on Eiji’s as his gentle touch sent shivers all through his body. In any other circumstance, he would flinch, pull back. But with him, a person he barely knew for a week, he couldn’t resist this feeling. Something about Eiji drew Ash in like a fish caught on a rod. Eiji broke the silence and sneered, “You seem quite emotional for a gang leader.” At a loss of words for Eiji’s sudden change of mood, he couldn’t help but get defensive. “Who are you calling emotional? You hardly know the surface of my disposition”, he pouted. 

“Then why are you still holding on to my hand like it is your only life source?”

Confused, Ash looked down, not even noticing that he was grasping onto Eiji’s slender hand. A soft blush spread over his freckled face and ears. Eiji puffed his cheeks, attempting to snuff back a laugh. 

Neither of them had noticed Shorter approaching their booth as he set down their glasses; They had been anticipating Nadia, but she had told him that Ash was here. His heart panged. 

Surprised, Ash immediately pulled his hand away and scratched his head while Eiji innocently reached for his lemon tea. “You must be, Shorter, was it? I am Eiji Okumura, visiting as an assistant photographer. Nice to meet you!” All Shorter could manage to mumble out was a quiet, “Pleasure to meet you too”, before he turned to Ash and nodded. No handshake this time. Ash slightly turned his head away. 

“Need more time to decide? Or can I take your menus so you can get back to holding hands and staring lovingly into each other’s eyes?”

Woah. _”Shorter-”_ Eiji looked back and forth between the two. Hand holding? What did he think- “I’ll just bring two of your usual order, unless, of course, you’d prefer to share a single plate.” Ash slammed his fist, rattling the table, _”SHORTER-”_ He didn’t realize he had begun to yell. He composed himself and continued, “Sho. We’re not doing this right now.” Ash hated every second of this. How could he act like this in front of Eiji? How could _Shorter_ act like _that? _All he wanted to do was just let this sudden anger spill out of him. Why was he acting like this? Did he do something wrong? “We can talk later. Not here. Please, Sho, just-” Rubbing his temples didn’t help him come up with any words. _Just leave,_ is all Ash wanted to shout. _Just go and never come back. Walk away and don’t turn around so I don’t have to see your face and your stupid glasses. This was so _embarrassing.____

_I wish you had never kissed me._

___Ash looked up through his hands and he swore he could almost see Shorter’s pained eyes through his sunglasses. His eyebrows were furled, then Ash looked away. “C’mon, Eiji. I’m sorry. We can find something to eat at my place. Let’s go.” After leaving a tip on the table, he shoved his wallet back into his pocket, and Eiji didn’t have to think twice. He stood up and shyly waved to Shorter, then followed Ash out the door._ _ _

___For once, Shorter had been thankful for his stupid insecurity of looking people in the eye because now nobody would be able to see the tears beginning to stream down his face. He felt his legs go numb as he walked to the backroom with the acceptance that Ash truly, will never be his._ _ _

___\-----------------_ _ _

___The walk back to Ash’s apartment was a quiet one, both of them lost in their own thoughts. This time, Ash was the one to start conversation. “Eiji, I… I’m sorry about how I acted back there. I wasn’t thinking, and apparently neither was Shorter. He’s usually such a nice guy, I mean, I know you two would get along great. It's just we had a slight… incident last week and I just don't know how to feel about it. He confused me when I thought we were on the same page and it’s just been _drowning_ me. He’s my best friend, but he totally crossed the-” _ _ _

_”Ash-”_ He reached out to lightly grasp Ash’s wrist, catching him by surprise. “Your hands. They are bleeding.” Ash hadn’t even noticed his rambling, or the fact that his fingernails were digging into the palms of his hands. After turning the corner, they stopped walking as Eiji grazed his soft fingertips over Ash’s rough hands. He noticed the callouses, small bruises, scars; he caressed them slowly, as if he could read the story behind each imperfection. But what he hadn’t noticed was Ash staring straight at him with stars in his eyes. 

___And for a single moment, all of his worries seemed to melt away, like Eiji’s fingers were wiping his slate clean without even knowing his story, ready to rewrite his fate._ _ _

___\-----------------_ _ _

___Shorter did not want to show his face in his own restaurant ever again after completely embarrassing himself, though he didn’t really have a choice. He felt as if he were suffocating under all of the events over the past week, all of which had involved the two people closest to him, and ended up with him feeling like a complete fuck up. Maybe that’s all he was. Perhaps their parents would still be alive if they had stopped trying after Nadia. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like such a fucking burden._ _ _

___He’s pretty sure all he’s got now is the stars in the sky, but even those are hidden by the smug and grimey air._ _ _

___It wasn’t closing time yet, but Nadia decided that they would clean up early since the influx of customers had slowed. The atmosphere of the place felt off, and the uneasy feeling returned in Shorter’s stomach. He tried to continue wiping down tables, but his shaking hands and raspy breathing got the best of him, and he couldn’t quite decipher his racing thoughts. With his head spinning, he clutched at his chest and a loud sob involuntarily escaped from his quivering lips._ _ _

_Quiet- be quiet- Stop it, Sho, just- just breathe. Breathe. No-- impossible-_

_Why can’t I breathe- I can’t. It hurts, it hurts, can’t feel anything- it hurts so much. Why, why-_

_Ash. Why?_

___Shorter practically toppled over the chairs as he fell to the ground, the sudden crash alarming his older sister; she came running in._ _ _

___“Shorter? Sho-” She crouched down to where he was shaking in a ball, grasping his faded purple hair. “What’s going on, Sho? Talk to me.” The worry in her voice made Shorter shake even more. “C-can’t- Nads,” he managed to choke out. “Ash, he- I hurt him.”_ _ _

___“What do you mean, you hurt him? It’s okay, Sho. Just breathe.” Ash? He is Shorter’s best friend--nothing ever got between them. Wearily, she placed a gentle hand on his back and stroked; their parents had always calmed her down like this when she was crying, but this was clearly a different situation. Though she thought she might as well try. The siblings sat on the cold tile floor, sharing deep breaths, until Shorter’s breathing was clear and full, muscles relaxed._ _ _

___Nadia was in no rush to get her younger brother talking, though she was awfully curious, and worried. After several quiet minutes of sweeping through his hair and rubbing his shoulders, she proceeded gingerly. “Are you ready to talk now, Sho? I am here to listen. Take your time.”_ _ _

___Shorter squeezed his eyes shut and nearly winced each time he heard his nickname from Ash, but suddenly words flooded out of his mouth, like he was on autopilot. “The night you were gone at your girlfriend’s place, Nadia, I just felt so fucking shitty. You were mad at me, and I was so alone. I could have just walked off the face of the earth and nobody would’ve noticed.” Nadia grimaced at the reminder of their argument the previous week. She had yelled at him after not coming home for two nights straight. Guilt painfully swirled in her stomach, regretting ever leaving him alone, even though he had done the same to her. Secretly she wished that Shorter had never united with Ash’s gang, not to mention the fucking mafia, because every worst case scenario played in her head whenever he didn’t pick up her calls when he was away for too long. Shorter may not be that spunky seven year old anymore, but hell, he was still Nadia’s little bro._ _ _

“I called him over and we smoked on the porch just like we always do, but I did something so incredibly awful- something I can’t take back. Shit, Nadia, I kissed him. I fucking _kissed_ my best friend; I wasn’t even thinking. My body just took over, and next thing I know my hand is in his hair and-” He stifled back another cry as the tears started streaming again. “I never wanted to hurt him, I swear, I never did. You know that. I have loved that stupid boy since the day I first laid my eyes on him in juvie, Nadi. We were both so young, and I thought the world of him. Can you fucking believe that? Mom and Dad would have been so disappointed.” Shocked at all of the information coming to her at once, all she could do is keep drawing circles across his large back. She knew it was true about their parents, but that didn’t matter. All they needed was each other. Nadia let Shorter continue talking. 

“Ash and I didn’t talk for a week after that night. It was right before he had that interview with the reporters from Japan. Shit- and to see him today with Eiji, was it? The reporter- _fuck.”_

___Nadia squeezed his hand, as she anticipated what was coming. “I saw the way Ash was looking at him.” He glared wistfully at the table the two had shared a few hours ago. “He needed somebody to love, but I just wasn’t the one he wanted.”_ _ _

___And just like that, the floodgates closed back up, too numb to cry or talk any further. It was easily well past closing time by now, but still they sat uncomfortably on the hard floor. It was strange for Nadia to see Shorter break down like this, being the leader of the Chinatown mafia and all. She had never seen him this vulnerable since they were kids._ _ _

___“I’m sorry, Shorter. I know none of this is easy.” She wasn’t sure what else to say, but he was okay with that. He was just glad to be in her warm presence. “Sometimes I wish Mom and Dad were still here just to see us all grown up. I mean, we came along pretty nicely. Well- as nice as gangs and violence can get…”_ _ _

___“I hardly feel grown up after crying my eyes out like a little baby. Like Sing, for fucks sake.” The two siblings couldn’t help but laugh recalling their little half-brother. “You were always the braver of you two. I hate to say it, but it’s true.”_ _ _

___“My ass hurts.” Shorter was the first to stand, a little lightheaded, but he would be fine. “You can say that again. Let’s go make us some tea, alright? It’ll help us both.”_ _ _

___Feeling somewhat better, he decided to let Nadia take care of him without feeling guilty. “Thank you for listening… I’m… I’m not sure what would have happened if you hadn’t been here.” Strings tugged at Nadia’s heart to hear something so endearing, yet so ominous, then she quickly pulled him into a tight hug. “You know I’m never leaving your side, Shorter. Please know that.” The hug tightened as the bigger sibling wrapped his strong arms around his sister, and she felt as if she could cry. “I know, Nadi. I know.”_ _ _

___City sounds and the slight humming of the lights seemed to fade away to nothing the longer they embraced. If only it were that easy for Shorter’s intense feelings for Ash to disappear entirely._ _ _

___\-----------------_ _ _

___“Come here, Ash. I have some bandages for your hands.” They boys had arrived back at Ash’s apartment and called it a day after what happened at Chang Dai. Eiji rummaged around in his suitcase for a moment, then pulled out a small first aid kit. “You always carry that around? You’d be a great help with my guys after getting tossed around all day like ragdolls.” Ash slumped on the bed while Eiji pulled out a few small band-aids. “Eiji… what are those.” He glared at the pink Hello Kitty bandages in the other boy’s hand. “What! Aren’t they cute?” he shifted closer to Ash to pick up his hands, but he scooted back so that he was leaning against the wall. “There’s no way I’m letting you put those on me.”_ _ _

___“You stupid American! I am only trying to help!” Eiji practically leaped over to Ash and got a hold of his hands. Pouting, he allowed the childish bandages to be stuck on his hands, loathing every moment. “You are blushing, Ash,” Eiji sneered. “Oh, put a sock in it!” He turned his head so that the obvious flush across his face wasn’t visible to the other boy. “There, all done. They look cute on you,” Eiji laughed. The blond couldn’t push down the smile on his face as he looked down at his hands covered with Hello Kitty patches. “Yeah. Whatever you say, oniichan”._ _ _

“D-did you just call me _oniichan?”_

___“Well, you are two years older than I, and you baby me.” Eiji smiled, “It is only because I care!” He nudged Ash with his elbow. “Ashu, we should eat! We had gotten so distracted. I will go to the store and buy ingredients to make you a good dinner.” Eiji stood up off the bed and was already shoving his feet into his sneakers. “Are you sure? I could come with, or even let me help. You deserve it after what happened-” Eiji put a hand up and was practically already out the door. “There is no need-- I am your older brother, yes? You listen to me!” He stuck out his tongue and slid out of the apartment, leaving Ash dumbfounded. Why did he feel such a need to be around Eiji? What if something bad happened to him-- it would all be his fault. But it was too late, so he sat back trying to ease his mind._ _ _

___Laid back in bed, Ash recalled the events from the past few hours, which had seemed like days ago now. He regretted letting his rage get the best of him earlier at Chang Dai. No longer able to manage this plaintive feeling, he reached for his phone. Thumb hovering over the call button for Shorter, “Fuck it,” he murmured, then called._ _ _

___After three rings, Shorter answered. “...Hi, Ash.” He was mostly relaxed by now, having been able to clean up and wash his face after his tea with Nadia. “Can we talk? Y’know, just- about… everything, I guess.” Ash heard Shorter inhale and exhale slowly, gathering his thoughts, “Yeah. Ash… yeah. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. You don’t have to forgive me now, or ever, but please know that I still care for you… no matter how we end up.” Ash’s insides twisted and wrenched at his genuine, put pain filled voice, despite only talking to him on the phone. He continued to let Shorter talk. “I… I know that we both were on the same page about… us. And about today, I don’t know why I acted like that. Just seeing you with that other guy made me… jealous?” He paused. “But I guess I was the same, falling for somebody so quickly.”_ _ _

The silence was deafening as those last words repeated in Ash’s mind. _Falling for somebody so quickly._ Had he really made it that obvious? Was he actually… 

___“What are you thinking, Ash?” He realized he had been silent for too long._ _ _

___“... I didn’t hate it, Sho.” There was a shuffle on the other end of the line. “I- what?”_ _ _

“You didn’t hurt me. It- it wasn’t like, _that._ Because I know you actually give two shits about me. But the fact that it was… you-” Shorter could hear him sigh deeply, almost if he was reminiscing the moment they shared together, “Sho, I love you, but there’s no fucking way it could be anything more with you. You’re my best friend, you-” He couldn’t take this. As genuine and kind as Ash spoke, his words felt like a bullet to the chest. 

“Hey, Ash. It’s alright. I get it. You don’t have to explain any further. I- I’m sorry how it happened.” _I’m sorry how I loved you,_ he desperately wanted to say. _How could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?_ “Please- I- I wish you would have just told me what you were feeling, Ash. The silence between us was killing me.” 

___“I’m sorry, Shorter. You didn’t deserve that, not at all.” Ash could hear the front door of his apartment open and close, and heard a faint “Tadaima”. He returned his attention back to the call, “Hey, I’ve gotta go. We can call later? If you want to, I mean.” Shorter didn’t hesitate to hastily agree to the idea. “Okay, talk to ya later, Sho.” Ash ended the call and felt a twinge of guilt as he smiled at Eiji when he walked through the door._ _ _

___\-----------------_ _ _

___Ash attempted to push the conversation he just had to the back of his mind, so that he could try and enjoy himself with Eiji. When was the last time somebody had made food for him? This was definitely the first time anyone had done it in his own home. “I hope you like salad, Ashu--shrimp and avocado to be exact.” Eiji started to unpack the ingredients from the brown paper bag onto the counter while Ash peered in the kitchen from the doorway. “I do, actually. Bizarre coincidence, though. How’d you know?” Eiji turned around and smiled, “Lucky guess!”_ _ _

___He stepped into the kitchen so that he was shoulder to shoulder with Eiji, and out of curiosity, Ash asked Eiji about the phrase he had said when he entered the apartment. “In Japan, we say that when we enter the house to let everybody know we’re back. Normally, somebody would respond, ‘Okaeri’ which means ‘Welcome back’.”  
“Oh-kay-ree?” _ _ _

___Eiji cringed then laughed at the American’s poor pronunciation. “Yeah, sure, you silly American.” A light blush dusted Ash’s face as he reached for the shrimp bag to start peeling, despite his bandages. “You can start teaching me Japanese so then maybe I can understand you and Ibe.” Eiji began to wash the head of lettuce and remarked, “That is not a bad idea!” He pointed to the shrimp, “Ebi” then to the lettuce, “Retasu,” and he switched back, “Easy enough?” They both shared a soft laughter, enjoying their time preparing food together._ _ _

___After a couple moments of silence, the mood changed when Eiji murmured, “I am not sure what happened between you and Shorter, but I do hope it will be resolved soon. You two are good friends. I can tell beneath the tension; you deserve each other.” Ash’s heart throbbed at his kind words. How could he read him so easily? “...Thank you, Eiji,” he sighed. “I appreciate you cooking with me, taking care of me, and whatnot. This isn’t… something I’m used to. I just don’t want you to think you have to feel obligated to help… ”_ _ _

__

Eiji stopped what he was doing and turned to look Ash directly in the eyes. Despite being so much smaller than him, his glare was piercing, and Ash swore his eyes stared straight through his skin. “Ashu, I do the things I do because I care, and I _want_ to take care of you. I know we have only just met, but I feel as if we have known each other much longer. It is strange how comfortable I am with you, but not in a bad way. I like it. And I hope you do too.”

____  
  


Shivers shot down Ash’s spine as Eiji’s soft and slender hands reached and intertwined with Ash’s rough ones. “I… I like it too, Eiji,” Ash breathed. Eiji smiled as he brushed back a lock of golden hair behind Ash’s ear. “I am glad. But I am also starving. Let us finish making our food, yes?” He hummed joyously as he stood by Ash in his little worn-down apartment. And for the first time forever, Ash thought that maybe, just _maybe_ things were going to turn out alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy i think everybody just needs a hug now bjfhsdjjnsj
> 
> thank you for reading !! i may end it here, just because the main focus was shorter & ash originally... unless i come up with something even more angsty... 
> 
> but yup!! please Help shorter wong ,,

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading !! this will most likely be part of a continued story if i get to it hfjdhf
> 
> i've been having Lots of shorash thoughts lately,,


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